The Good Times Don’t Last. Or Do They?

House sitting my friend’s log cabin. The fire is burning. (In an awesome cozy way). I have transported my office here, with my printer and my two big screens. 

It’s a sweet gig. 

My only job? Feed the cats and let them in at night. 

My only problem? I have my big dog with me. 

The good news is that I am still body doubling away, being super productive and all proud. 

The good news is that I can look out the window and see big trees and birds at the feeder. It fills my heart. 

The good news is that my dog is big, but not a tool, so we’ve got a very unhappy but fed, watered and housed group of cats. 

The good news is that there is so much good news. On all fronts. An abundance of it. 

Would you like to know what I think about amidst all this happiness?

How it's all going to go away. 

I just shocked myself with that insight. So I’m sitting up at night writing this. And that is good news, because I haven’t worked at night for many a moon. 

As soon as things go well (as they should be, by the way. Why wouldn’t they?) I get into this fatalistic waystation on the way to anxiety and depression. 

And I would bet these feelings of mine aren’t a unique experience. 

I had to ask myself what’s going on in my head. Why the prescience (and acceptance) of defeat when I’m currently ahead of the game?

And here’s what I came up with:

When you grow up knowing there is something wrong with you, a huge effort goes into getting it ‘right’. And you can nail it over and over. But. Because the system isn’t compatible with your brain and the way you think and act, at some point there is an inevitable failure. 

And it throws you. 

The question becomes, how long are you derailed? 

And there are choices here. While there is always a need to lick the wounds and retreat for a bit, what happens after that can vary. Sometimes it turns into a breakdown. 

But sometimes it turns into a creative canvas for a new vision of the future. 

And that is resilience. When you have a failure in part (or in whole) because you just don’t get it no matter how hard you try. And then you find the strength to care for yourself and move on. 

Every cycle builds resilience. Every single one. Every time you keep on going. Every time you get stuff done. Every time you find a way to pay the rent or mortgage. 

It's additive. And even when you break down and freak out and lose it for a bit, you still get up. And that counts too. That builds the deep beautiful resilience. 

And your resilience lets you slap your negativity down and keep on enjoying the good things that are happening. 

So if you’re like me, and you start to lose your focus on the good things because you’re already anticipating (and pre-living) the inevitable barriers, then just know about resilience. 

Life is life. Things change. Stuff happens. The vast majority of it is happening out of our control. 

So sink into your resilience, accept that you don’t know the future, and enjoy your joy!

Just like I’m enjoying and giving thanks for my log cabin. And dog. And cats. And body doubling.